If you submit a cleaning joke you will receive a $10 discount on any future cleaning. If we use your joke we will give you a free upgrade on your next service. Submit your jokes to justcleaningjokes@miraclemaidstx.com

 

Our maids have CDO. It’s like OCD but the letters are in the correct order!!

The Maid

A woman suspects her husband is cheating on her. One day, she dials her home and a strange woman answers. The woman says, ” Who is this?” “This is the maid,” answered the woman. “We don’t have a maid”, said the woman. The maid says, “I was hired this morning by the man of the house. The woman says, “Well, this is his wife. Is he there?” The maid replied, “he is upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I figured was his wife.” The woman is fuming. She says to the maid, “Listen, would you like to make $50,000?” The maid says, “What will I have to do?”

The woman tells her, “I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the jerk and the witch he’s with.” The maid puts the phone down; the woman hears footsteps and the gun shots.

The maid comes back to the phone, “What do I do with the bodies?”  The woman says, “Throw them in the swimming pool.” Puzzled, the maid answers, “But there’s no pool here.” A long pause and the woman says, “Is this 832-4821?”

Just Three Words

A woman is sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, middle-aged man enters. He is so striking that the woman cannot take her eyes off him. The man notices her overly attentive stares and walks directly toward her. Before she can offer her apologies for rudely staring he leans over and whispers, “I’ll do anything, absolutely anything that you want me to do for $20… But, on one condition.” Flabbergasted, the woman asks what the condition is.

The man replies, “You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.” The woman considers his proposition for a moment and then removes a $20 bill from her purse, which she presses into the man’s hand along with her address.

She then looks deeply into his eyes, and slowly, and meaningfully says, “Clean my house!”

Saved

Smith, who lives in a big house at Avery Ranch, goes to see his supervisor in the front office. “Boss,” he says, “we’re doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff.”

“We’re short-handed, Smith” the boss replies. “I can’t give you the day off.”

“Thanks, boss,” says Smith “I knew I could count on you!”

As Clean as Cold Water Can Get Them

A man went to visit his 90 year old grandfather and while eating the breakfast of eggs and bacon prepared for him, he noticed a film-like substance on his plate. So he says, “Grandfather, are these plates clean?” His grandfather replies, “Those plates are as clean as cold water can get them, so go on and finish your meal.” That afternoon, while eating the hamburgers his grandfather made for lunch, he noticed many little black specks around the edge of his plate so again he asked, “Grandfather are you sure these plates are clean?” Without looking up from his burger, the grandfather says, “I told you those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them, now don’t ask me about it anymore.” Well, later that day, they were on their way out to get dinner. As he was leaving the house, grandfather’s dog who was lying on the floor started to growl and would not let him pass. “Grandfather, your dog won’t let me out.” Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching, his grandfather shouted, “Coldwater, get out of the way!”

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